Being bi is fun. Being bi is great. Being bi is something I’m proud of. But being bi can also be difficult sometimes. There are a lot of misconceptions and false expectations of many identities within the LGBTQ realm, and bisexuality is not an exception. As someone who identifies as bisexual, I want to share some of the things I personally struggle with.
Not “being gay enough”
I am bi. For me, that means I am attracted to both men and women. Yet my ‘gayness’ is still measured out by my past dating history—from both people in the LGBTQ community and outside of it—which invalidates my identity and how I feel. And what is my dating history, you ask? I’ve been dating a straight male for 4 years, and I guess that can make me “less gay” or “not gay enough” to some people. This is not true, and if someone is saying this to you, know that how you feel about your identity matters and is valid.
“Do you like men or women more?”
Seriously, you don’t need to ask this question. Some people are okay with this question, but I am not; you know I like both men and women, so why do you have to quantify it? Also, would you ever ask a straight person how straight they are? No.
Hurtful and False Stereotypes
Put perfectly by Lifelogie Counseling, here are some of the most prevalent and common stereotypes that are harmful:
- “Bisexuality is just a phase.”
- “It’s a pit stop along the way to admitting that you’re actually gay.”
- “You’re just craving attention from the opposite sex.”
- Bisexuals are ‘promiscuous,’ ‘non-monogamous,’ ‘greedy,’ or ‘indecisive.’
- If you choose to date a member of the opposite sex: “You’re no longer bisexual” or “You’ve chosen the easy way out by pretending to be heterosexual.”
Don’t say these things or assume them because they are not true and extremely detrimental to people trying to embrace their bisexuality. We don’t expect you to understand why we feel this way if you are straight or lesbian or identify as something else; we are bisexuals, not you.
At the end of the day, if you are unsure about something or the appropriate things to say to a bisexual person, look it up—there are plenty of articles that explain our most frustrating struggles. Or you can ask a friend who identifies as bi. Whatever the case is, be kind to bi people and the LGBTQ community in general—it’s tough enough as it is not being the ‘norm’ in society.